Mike’s Pinoy Jokes Blog

Four things you’ll see only in the Philippines:

1. Doctors go back to school to be nurses abroad.
2. Rats are normal house pets.
3. Soap opera is reality and news provide the dramas of life.
4. Actors make the rules and politicians provide the entertainment!

AMERICAN ENGLISH:

Eat all you can, don’t be shy, feel at home!

IN TAGALOG:

Kain lang kayo ng kain, walanghiya kayo, pakiramdam nyo bahay nyo to!

TITSER: Ano ang PAST TENSE sa LABA?

BOY#1: Naglaba mam!

TITSER: Tama! Ano ang PRESENT TENSE?

BOY#2: Naglalaba!

TITSER: Tama! Ano naman ang FUTURE TENSE?

BOY#3: MAGSASAMPAY mam!

Miriam Santiago is the model of a watch to be made jointly by Japan’s Seiko and French’s Patek Philippe.

The brand name of the watch is “SEIKOPATEK”.

Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet?

Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet.

Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee!

I’m not sure how accurate the following photos are but I think they are true. Introducing the best Police Cars in the World…

Germany - Lamborghini Gallardo - Max Speed 320km/hr

Japan - Lancer Evo IX - Max Speed 280km/hr

France - Peugeot Sports GT

Spain - Audi TT - Max Speed 280km/hr

England - Porsche - Do I have to tell the speed

Now for the Ultimate Police Car in the World !!!

Philippines… now what’s that?

Astig!!!

Isang araw, Tinawag ni Inay si Boy, ang batang ngo-ngo.

Inay: Boy, magpunta ka sa tindahan ni Aling Petra at bumili ka ng isang latang Pork & Beans!

Boy: Omo, inay!

Nagtungo si Boy Ngo Ngo sa tindahan ni Aling Petra. Tatlong bundok ang kaniyang nilakad. Pagdating ni Boy sa tindahan ay binati niya ang tindera.

Boy: Aning Metra, ngamuta na mo ngayo? (Kamusta na po kayo?)

Aling Petra: Mabuti naman. Ano ang kailangan mo Boy?”

Boy: Mangmilan nga mo ng inang lata ng Mo e Meen! (Pagbilhan nga po ng isang lata ng Pork n Beans)

Aling Petra: Ano kamo, Boy?

Boy: Isa mong Mo e Meen (Isa pong Pork n Beans)

Aling Petra: Paki-ulit nga Boy at hindi kita maintindihan.

Boy: Mo e Meen! Mo e Meen - nyung nata lata! (Pork n Beans! Pork n Beans! Yung nasa lata!)

Aling Petra: Hindi talaga kita maintindihan. Mabuti pa kaya ay i-spell mo na lang sa akin.

Boy: O ninge. Mo e Meen. Netter Mi. (O sige. Pork n Beans. Letter.)

Aling Petra: Letter ‘B’ ba?

Boy: Ine! Netter Mi as in Minimines. (Hindi! Letter “P” as in Philippines)

Aling Petra: Ha???

Boy: Mi! (Kinanta ni Boy ang alphabet) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee..En, Em, En, O, Mi! - - Mi!

Aling Petra: Ahhh, P! Letter P! (Masiglang sagot ni Aling Petra.)

Boy: Oo. Mi! Mo e Meen! (Oo! Pi! Pork n Beans!)

Aling Petra : Sige ituloy mo Boy. ‘P’…

Boy: Ngo! (O!)

Aling Petra: Ano kamo?

Boy: (Kumanta ulit) Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee… En, Em, En, Ngo!

Aling Petra: Ahhh, titik O! P-O. Sige ituloy mo pa!

Boy: Netter Arrng (Letter R)

Aling Petra: Kantahin mo na lang ulit Boy.

Boy: Ey, Mi, Ni, Ni , E, Em, Nyee… En, Em, En, O, Mi, Ngyu, Arrng!

Aling Petra: Ahhh! Letter R. Malapit na. ‘P-O-R’? Hindi ko pa rin makuha, Boy. Anong letter ang susunod?

Boy: Ngey.

Aling Petra: Letter A?

Boy: Ini ho! (Sabay buntung-hininga si Boy) Ngey! A, Ma, Nga (A-Ba-Ka-Da ang kinanta)! Nga!”

Aling Petra: Ka! Letter ‘K’ ‘P-O-R-K’ Ahhh Pork!!!

Boy: Oo!!! Mo e Meen!

Aling Petra: Pork and?

Boy: Oo!! Mo e Meen!!!

Aling Petra: Pork and Meen? Ahhhh!!! Alam ko na!!! Pork and Beans!!!

Boy: Oo! Oo!! Mo e Meen!! Mo e Meen!!!!” ang masayang sigaw ni Boy.

Aling Petra: Pork and Beans pala ang kailangan mo!!!

Boy: Oo. Mo e Meen!

Aling Petra: Hay nako!!!… Wala!!!

Girlfriend: Saan tayo pupunta?

Boyfriend: Punta tayo dun sa madilim.

Girlfriend: Ha?

Boyfriend: Trust me.

Girlfriend: OK.

Pag-abot ng dilim…

Girlfriend: Bakit naghubad ka?

Boyfriend: Relax ka lang.

Girlfriend: Maghuhubad din ba ako?

Boyfriend: Ha?  Tatae ka din ba?

I’ve heard this joke years ago but I was surprised to find out that there is a flash version of it. Watch it and laugh your heart out!

Read the rest of this entry »

I hope you like this short photo-story.

What’s the difference between girls / women at ages 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68, and 78?

At 8 — You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 — You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 — You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

At 38 — She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 — She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.

At 58 — You stay in bed to avoid her story.

At 68 — If you take her to bed, that’ll be a story!

At 78 — What story??? What bed??? Who are you???